Sometimes It Hurts
by RenegadePhoenix
Summary: Duo's thoughts on his relationship with Heero. 1x2. Angst and an unhappy Duo. Please R&R.


**Title:** Sometimes It Hurts  
**Author:** RenegadePhoenix  
**Pairing:** 1x2  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warning:** Songfic. Full of angst. Dark Duo-thoughts. Language. Umm...that should cover it besides the obvious shounen ai.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Wing, though I wouldn't mind owning my own Heero and Duo. The song, _Sometimes It Hurts_ belongs to Stabbing Westward, and I don't own them either. Great band, great song. Listen to it especially while reading the fic if you can. Definitely sets a mood and tone. Oh, and please read and review!!!!

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Sometimes It Hurts 

**_Six o'clock in the morning  
My head is ready to explode  
I can't believe I made it home alive  
I don't remember where I went  
Or what I was drinking  
But I know it's made me sick  
_**

Oh man...I can not take this right now. As I stumble into the safe house I see Quatre's worrried eyes as he watches from the top of the stairs. Seems I have the little guy worried. I try to smile to show that I'm okay, but I just end up clutching my head in pain.

Uggh...it feels like a legion of Leos have decided to start a war inside my skull. I sway a bit and sink against the door. Fuck

I don't remember much of last night anymore. The pain that has taken up residence has decided, no demanded, that it take up all of my thinking. I remember traveling around with a buncha college kids that were amazed at how much booze that skinny ole me could put away.

**_An I'm not denying  
That I get this way  
When I try to get over you  
I get this way  
When I try to get over you_**

They kept buying me drinks and I kept drinking. I had my own personal mission last night and it was to get totally and completely shit faced. It seems that I've succeeded.

It all comes down to one thing, or rather one person. Yuy. Heero "the Fucking Bastard of a Perfect Soldier" Yuy. He always does this to me. No matter what I do, no matter what I try this ends up happening.

**_Sometimes it hurts so much  
to lose the one you love  
Sometimes it hurts so much  
to lose the one you love_**

Oh gods the pain. And it's not just the hangover; it's not just the fact that I've fallen flat on my face more then once trying to get up these damned stairs.

I gave everything to him. I gave him my body, my heart, and my fucking soul. I know my soul ain't worth much 'cause I don't think I have much of a one left after everything that I've done, but did he have to do this to me? Did he have to take everything from me and not give me anything back in return. He wanted it all! He demanded it all! And when I gave it, he left.

WHY?!?!

**_I tried so hard to hate you  
But it only makes things worse  
I only end up hating myself  
And as my hatred grows  
So do the lies  
It's hard to face the truth sometimes  
God I feel so useless  
God I hate myself  
When I try to get over you  
God I hate myself  
How will I ever get over you?_**

I tried to hate him after he left. I tried so fucking hard, but it didn't work. I tried to go out and fuck around with other guys. I tried getting drunk. What am I talking about? I still get drunk.

But nothing works. I only end up hating myself and not him. Why can't I hate him? 

I lie to myself, Quatre, Hilde, hell even Trowa and WuFei. I tell everyone that I'm okay, that I'm fine. No, I don't hurt at all. It's okay that he beat the shit out of me. I don't mind. I must have done something wrong to piss him off.

Bastard. Makes me feel like I'm two inches tall and a moron. I might not have Quatre smarts, but I'm not a fucking idiot. There's no way in hell I would have survived as long as I did on the streets of L-2 if I hadn't of been.

Why can't I get over him?!?

**_Sometimes it hurts so much  
to lose the one you love  
Sometimes it hurts so much  
to lose the one you love_**

**_And after all this time you'd think I'd understand the way you feel but no  
I only think about myself  
And it's driving you away  
I always knew it would one day_**

Something just hit me as I sit here with a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water courtesy of our kind li'l Quatre. Maybe I did something. Maybe I pushed him. I don't know.

He always seems to make me second guess myself. Like I said he's a bastard...but...but what if I did? What if I did do something that drove him away?

Oh, god...

**_Sometimes it hurts so much  
to lose the one you love  
Sometimes it hurts so much  
to lose the one you love_**

What am I gonna do? I don't know if I can take this much longer.


End file.
